On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
