You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
