I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
