in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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