Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
