We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
