This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
