help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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