I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
