I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
