i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
