I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
