You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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