You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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