is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
