There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
