There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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