I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What drink are we having for lunch?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
