i think i recognize dicks better than faces
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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