ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
