i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
