Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
