roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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