So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
