I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
