By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
