you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
