You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
