the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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