dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
