Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
