Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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