Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
