Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
