it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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