I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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