look no pants
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
