We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
