how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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