New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i died would you start the facebook group?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
