She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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