I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
