My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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