That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
