Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
