just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
