look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
