i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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