so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
