Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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