you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sober January is a disaster.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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