I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
