I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
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