i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
