hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
