He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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