So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
