Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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